So lately, the pain has been getting worse and worse on my left side, the side paralized by the strokes. Well the good news is, that is the good news. This pain, especially in my left leg means that the nerves in the brain are regenerating and working again. So in this case pain is a good thing. I just wish the doctors had told me this. I thought something was wrong and the pain was so bad I felt like amputating my leg would be the only thing to take the pain away. I seriously cried every day. This pain is more severe than any I've experienced before. Even the merry drugs I take wouldn't take the pain away. And of course the doc only gave me half the usual amount of perc's than he usually does as he is afraid I'm becoming addicted. I'm not and I don't think he understands addiction vs. tolerance. My body has become more tolerant of the drug, therefore I require more to rid myself of the pain. But I am not addicted. If I were addicted I would wake up dying for one. I would need more and more and wouldn't be able to live without them, even on good days.
One more thing that has been driving me crazy is the 'bugs' that crawl under my skin all the time. It has gotten much worse than normal for me. The come alive at night when I'm trying to relax and go to sleep. And when they are crawling around I swear if I looked down I could see them. But even I know they aren't real. But they sure feel real.
I don't know how or when this is ever going to end, but I have hope. Without hope, life isn't worth living. I have too much to live for. A wonderful husband. Three amazing sons. Two even more amazing granddaughters. my horse, my donkey, my dog and my cat. I have some amazing friends that keep me going.
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