Well, now that I have the bipolar under control, I am feeling more like I should be. No bad thoughts, no thoughts of being more than what I am, no thoughts of death and dying. But....and there is always a but in my life...I am still dealing with a few more health problems. Some things, like the Crohn's and the fibromyalgia will never go away. But hopefully I can work at getting them under some sort of control. I am on week 3 of this horrible antibiotic for the kidney infection. As a lot of women know, antibiotic = yeast infection. I am working hard to make sure that doesn't happen to me. I've cut out most of the sweets, I'm eating all that 'good' yogurt, and I'm taking loads of probiotics. So far so good. All in all, things are getting much better. This yukky wet damp weather is not doing me any favours as it drives my joints crazy, but, I can deal with that.
I am still waiting for my brothers and sisters to make up with me, and start a sibling relationship again, but I think I will have a long wait. My brothers are talking to me, but my sisters are another story. I'm so glad for my 'far away' relatives and my wonderful friends, who I am now considering my family. I can't wait until spring, and hope that I can go west and have a visit with my cousin Lori and her daughters, Genesis, Sarah, Che and Rebekkah. They are such wonderful people. I have only seen Rebekkah when she was a baby, so I don't know that I would even recognize her. But her sisters love me, and hopefully she will get to know and love me too.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Catching Up
Well, since I haven't blogged in a while, I thought that I would catch you all up to what has been happening in my life......which isn't much. Nick has brought my wonderful granddaughters out to visit, and I love it. They are beautiful girls. I just wish that they had a mother that would spend more time working with them and teaching them. Evelyn starts school in the fall, and can't even spell her own name yet. She doesn't even know the alphabet. She doesn't know her numbers well either, and when you ask how old she is, she can't tell you. She is such a smart, bright child, with a wonderful imagination. I do hope that she is able to go to school, and catch up to the other children.
Well, I have been feeling much more optimistic about my health. I have been still dealing with some strange, painful migraines lately. I have also been dealing with a lot of pain, as well as a continued overgrowth of Candida. I was diagnosed with a kidney infection, and that makes my pain much, much, more intrusive. I am so tired that I find it hard just to get out of bed, shower and try to clean the house a bit. I have dishes to be washed, and I feel so exhausted, that I can't even summon up the energy to get up and do anything. The bipolar meds are working, and I'm feeling what may be mostly classed as normal, (whatever that is!) I had a small wine party for my friends, and had a ball. My friends are wonderful people, and sometimes I feel they are more family than friends. They are there for me, and love me regardless of what I do or say. They forgive me for indiscretions, and just get on with life.
I guess I am blessed.....wonderful friends, wonderful mom, wonderful kids and grandkids, and a very special husband. I do not know why he loves me so much, and has forgiven me for all the stupid things I did, but I am so glad that he does, and that I have him by my side.
Well, I have been feeling much more optimistic about my health. I have been still dealing with some strange, painful migraines lately. I have also been dealing with a lot of pain, as well as a continued overgrowth of Candida. I was diagnosed with a kidney infection, and that makes my pain much, much, more intrusive. I am so tired that I find it hard just to get out of bed, shower and try to clean the house a bit. I have dishes to be washed, and I feel so exhausted, that I can't even summon up the energy to get up and do anything. The bipolar meds are working, and I'm feeling what may be mostly classed as normal, (whatever that is!) I had a small wine party for my friends, and had a ball. My friends are wonderful people, and sometimes I feel they are more family than friends. They are there for me, and love me regardless of what I do or say. They forgive me for indiscretions, and just get on with life.
I guess I am blessed.....wonderful friends, wonderful mom, wonderful kids and grandkids, and a very special husband. I do not know why he loves me so much, and has forgiven me for all the stupid things I did, but I am so glad that he does, and that I have him by my side.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
More Doctors, more diagnosis
Well, I went to have a physical today at the new Ontario Health Clinic. Dr Holmes was very nice and did a range of tests on me. Seems that I have a kidney infection, which I didn't know I had, and he thinks I have had it for at least a month now...not good. The longer you have a kidney infection, the more damage done to your kidney. hmmmm. Not liking this. Why is it when we get one thing figured out, another one becomes obvious to the doctor. It explains a lot though...the abdominal and back pain, the night sweats, the even more than usual fatigue. Oh well, I'm very tired right now. Time for a nap before I have to pick Dave up. I'll write more later!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love, Family and Religion
Well, yesterday was Valentine's Day, and I had a very nice day. It started off with a nice lie-in in the morning. Then Bill and Mary surprised me by bringing my mother, and pizza here for lunch. It was wonderful to have some company, and to have it be family is even better. Then, in the afternoon Dave came home early tonight, and did up the dishes while he encouraged me to lie down for a much needed nap. We had a nice evening at home, and off to bed nice and early.
Now to the business of Religion. My "friend" C is a Jehovah's Witness. She has been doing bible study with me for a few years off and on. But, now we are getting into some of the more unbelievable parts of being a witness. I can't believe that people believe these things. She told me, in so many words that only those that have become witness' will be saved when the end of the earth comes. As well as some other things that I find ridiculous. I decided to do some of my own research on the web, and I found out that if I stop bible study, she will be encouraged to walk away from our "friendship" and not waste her time on me anymore. That being the case, I have decided that I have to get myself used to the idea of losing her friendship. I get very frustrated with religions like that. I was taught that a just God is the only kind of God that we have. Regardless of religion. God forgives all. God loves us all and is ready to to forgive our sins. The witness' believe so much difference. Now please don't think I'm just picking on them, but they are the only ones that I have learned about, with the opposite views. I am beginning to think that Religion is the root of all evil, because organized religion tears families apart and makes people feel like they have failed. Organized religion is the cause of many wars. Oh well, enough of my tirade! We'll get back into it another day.
On a health note, my abdomen is hurting every time I eat. I do believe that I have scar tissue built up just in from the stoma, and that has severely narrowed the intestine. I hope the new doctors will listen to me, and take that into consideration when I talk to them tomorrow. Also, Dr. B will be happy to hear that I have made some breakthrough's as to what has been bothering me since I was a child.
People really need to try harder to protect their children from older children 'predators', and I hope that my kids remember this, with their children. Really know the older kids that you trust to look after your kids. REally know the adults that you trust with your children. If you get any funny feelings in the pit of your stomach, pay attention to them. Don't feel bad, to say no. Better to keep your children safe, then to worry about making someone else feel bad.
ANyway, that's all for today. Have a great day everyone! And if you love chocolate like I do, get out there and shop for some great deals today!
Now to the business of Religion. My "friend" C is a Jehovah's Witness. She has been doing bible study with me for a few years off and on. But, now we are getting into some of the more unbelievable parts of being a witness. I can't believe that people believe these things. She told me, in so many words that only those that have become witness' will be saved when the end of the earth comes. As well as some other things that I find ridiculous. I decided to do some of my own research on the web, and I found out that if I stop bible study, she will be encouraged to walk away from our "friendship" and not waste her time on me anymore. That being the case, I have decided that I have to get myself used to the idea of losing her friendship. I get very frustrated with religions like that. I was taught that a just God is the only kind of God that we have. Regardless of religion. God forgives all. God loves us all and is ready to to forgive our sins. The witness' believe so much difference. Now please don't think I'm just picking on them, but they are the only ones that I have learned about, with the opposite views. I am beginning to think that Religion is the root of all evil, because organized religion tears families apart and makes people feel like they have failed. Organized religion is the cause of many wars. Oh well, enough of my tirade! We'll get back into it another day.
On a health note, my abdomen is hurting every time I eat. I do believe that I have scar tissue built up just in from the stoma, and that has severely narrowed the intestine. I hope the new doctors will listen to me, and take that into consideration when I talk to them tomorrow. Also, Dr. B will be happy to hear that I have made some breakthrough's as to what has been bothering me since I was a child.
People really need to try harder to protect their children from older children 'predators', and I hope that my kids remember this, with their children. Really know the older kids that you trust to look after your kids. REally know the adults that you trust with your children. If you get any funny feelings in the pit of your stomach, pay attention to them. Don't feel bad, to say no. Better to keep your children safe, then to worry about making someone else feel bad.
ANyway, that's all for today. Have a great day everyone! And if you love chocolate like I do, get out there and shop for some great deals today!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentines Missed
I wasn't feeling well enough to have Evelyn come spend the night last night, so now Amanda is PO'd again, so I probably won't see the girls today. I miss them terribly. I would give anything to be able to see them more often. They are the main of what keeps me going, when all else is going wrong.
I often wonder why people can't be more forgiving. I have forgiven others, and continue to do so. I'm not one to hold a grudge. But boy, there are some out there that don't care. I've done them wrong, and now I am not worth their forgiveness? I wish so much for my sisters back. I miss them so much also. am so grateful for my wonderful friends...the real ones that stay with me, no matter what I have went through, or done, or the mistakes I have made. They realize that we as a society are not perfect, and they don't expect it of me. I am also grateful for my sons, and the way they love me, unconditionally. I will step back, so that Nick will not have that added stress in his life.....but in doing so, my heart is breaking over and over again. Casey is a wonderful daughter-in-law. No matter what, she never wants to come between Jack and us. She is very forgiving, and very loving. My relationship with Riki-lee is much better now that we do not live in the same house. That she loves Kenny, is the one thing that makes her wonderful in my eyes. She is good for him.
So, for my friends out there, thank you. For my relatives that have stuck by me, I love you, thank you. I am blessed.
I often wonder why people can't be more forgiving. I have forgiven others, and continue to do so. I'm not one to hold a grudge. But boy, there are some out there that don't care. I've done them wrong, and now I am not worth their forgiveness? I wish so much for my sisters back. I miss them so much also. am so grateful for my wonderful friends...the real ones that stay with me, no matter what I have went through, or done, or the mistakes I have made. They realize that we as a society are not perfect, and they don't expect it of me. I am also grateful for my sons, and the way they love me, unconditionally. I will step back, so that Nick will not have that added stress in his life.....but in doing so, my heart is breaking over and over again. Casey is a wonderful daughter-in-law. No matter what, she never wants to come between Jack and us. She is very forgiving, and very loving. My relationship with Riki-lee is much better now that we do not live in the same house. That she loves Kenny, is the one thing that makes her wonderful in my eyes. She is good for him.
So, for my friends out there, thank you. For my relatives that have stuck by me, I love you, thank you. I am blessed.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
I'm such a monster!
I was just clipping Missy and Peanuts long nails with the new clippers I bought, when Missy flung out her back leg, and I ended up clipping that nail way to low. Now the poor thing is bleeding terribly (or at least it looks like it to me) I tried a styptic stick, but that didn't work. So then I held pressure on it. That worked somewhat. I have put her back in her cage, and hopefully it will slow right down and stop shortly. Had to change my shirt which was covered in blood, then rinse the towel out, which was soaked in blood. I wonder how much blood they have. I hope she stops soon. I don't want to be a murderer!
Sleeping In
Well, we slept in this morning and Dave was late for work. Crazy. I was up almost all night, and then I sleep in. I just truly hope he doesn't get into trouble at work - they are firing ppl for less :(
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Bad Nights = Bad Days
It is completely driving me crazy. I had a horrible night. My neck, shoulders, hips and feet hurt so bad last night. And then, today the shoulders feel like someone snapped them in pieces. I have felt so depressed too. Had a good talk with my mom yesterday, and had a good cry. I miss her so much, but we just can't get our dates straight to get together. Off to Dr. N today, and hoping that he gives me a bigger prescription for my percs.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Margaret Trudeau
Just watched Margaret Trudeau on CTV talking with her daughter-in-law Sophia about her mental illness. She was diagnosed in 2000 with bi-polar disorder. Her newest book, Changing My Mind was very helpful to me, when I was diagnosed. She is a smart woman, who is not afraid to tell people about what she has went through, and how she is well on that healing road. I hope someday, I can see her in person, and meet her.
Unhappy Hump Day
Well, for my first post, I'd like to thank anyone who is reading this, and who decides to follow my blog.
It is a bad day today. I am in a lot of pain, and together with the fatigue, I don't really want to get out of bed. I don't even have the energy to cry today. Just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep. I'd better do it today, because tomorrow is the day to visit my doctor about the pain and trying to get some pain meds that actually work. He gives me percocets, but is afraid to give me too many because after a year, he still thinks I will become addicted. I think if I was going to be addicted, it would have happened long ago. I have written letters to my brothers and sisters, apologizing for the mistakes I have made in the past, due to my bi-polar. I am hoping that they will forgive me, and give me a chance to be a vital part of the family again. The way it stands now, they are not my family. They are just people born of the same parents. I know that I've done lots of things wrong, but I believe I deserve another chance.
It is a bad day today. I am in a lot of pain, and together with the fatigue, I don't really want to get out of bed. I don't even have the energy to cry today. Just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep. I'd better do it today, because tomorrow is the day to visit my doctor about the pain and trying to get some pain meds that actually work. He gives me percocets, but is afraid to give me too many because after a year, he still thinks I will become addicted. I think if I was going to be addicted, it would have happened long ago. I have written letters to my brothers and sisters, apologizing for the mistakes I have made in the past, due to my bi-polar. I am hoping that they will forgive me, and give me a chance to be a vital part of the family again. The way it stands now, they are not my family. They are just people born of the same parents. I know that I've done lots of things wrong, but I believe I deserve another chance.
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